Lately, I have started to speak out about some of my struggles, only (once again) to be met with ridicule.
I have had an eating disorder since fourth grade. I was always active and playing soccer or dancing as a child, and never saw my weight as anything but normal. In the fourth grade, bullies suddenly entered my life and I didn't know how to handle them. My teacher used to have meetings with me every day after lunch to make sure that I ate my lunch that my mom had prepared that morning. I was constantly monitored by the cafeteria staff to make sure I wasn't throwing my food away or giving it to my friends. Well, after a few weeks my parents started noticing that I was suddenly losing weight. Little did I know at the time, I was also doing other harm to my body. Around the same time, I started having migraines and had to go to Syracuse for testing and to get put on medication for the migraines.
After everyone found out what was going on and it was explained to me by school staff what I was doing to myself, I started eating again. I didn't have any issues with my eating disorder until my freshman year of high school when I went through a traumatic time. With the help of my parents and a counselor, I got set on the right track again....until college. Since starting college, I have had a constant on-and-off relationship with my eating disorder. Most of the people that are close with me know my history with this specific disorder, and now help me to stay on the right track with it.
Consequently, I also have suffered with depression. If you have read one of my previous blog posts, then you will realize that I have been through multiple traumatic experiences in my short 20 years. Some of these experiences have caused me to sink to the darkest corners of my mind, and have thoughts that I did not think someone like myself was capable of having. Again, with the help of my amazing family and multiple counselors, I have been able to push through these times.
I also have an anxiety disorder. I find myself unable to control my body and thoughts at times. I may know that I shouldn't or should be doing something, and cannot change my actions in order to fit what I want to do. There will be times when I am paralyzed due to fear, to an extent that most people cannot understand. I struggle at times with simple everyday tasks, like choosing where to eat when going to dinner with friends. To this day, I am still learning about what this truly means and what my options are in order to be able to handle every day tasks.
On Facebook, I have started sharing articles that truly communicate how I have been feeling while struggling with these disorders lately. Let me say this first-I do not share them for pity or to have people pay attention to me. I share them because I have felt so alone struggling, and to feel like there are other people in the world that understand me is just a breath of fresh air. I share them for myself, and for people who may also be facing the same struggle.
However, there are people who have said that I shouldn't be sharing posts like that because it makes them "uncomfortable" or "it isn't something that I should be proud about." If an article makes you uncomfortable, you do not have read it folks. And to say I am proud that I have mental disorders? I am not "proud," but I am no longer ashamed that I face these struggles. If someone chooses to stereotype me because of the way my brain works, I am no longer going to let it affect me. I have been so afraid of what people think about me for the longest time, and it only makes the "symptoms," for lack of a better word, of my disorders worse.
There are people that do not have the support system that I have, or can get the care that I can through my medical insurance and amazing counselors at school. There are people that have the same disorders as me, but have them 10x worse and cannot leave their own rooms because of it. I am lucky that I can attend school and have two jobs while trying to figure out ways to control my disorders to have a normal life.
Mental illness is not a topic that should be swept under the rug and ignored, it is something that people need to discuss. The people that struggle with mental disorders need their friends and family to be accepting and ready to assist them in any way possible. Otherwise, they may never seek help. And please realize, it is not the person's fault that they think the way they do or act the way they do because of their disorder. Do not blame them for their disorder. From my experience, they hate it just as much as you do.
Sunday, June 21, 2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
A Girl Without A Bow "Wipe Case"
So there's a company that I love to buy my bows from called A Girl Without A Bow! Actually, I love it so much I became 1 of 10 Campus Representatives for the company in September 2014, and am currently the last one still working for the company.
For those who don't know about the company, it is run by one amazing girl named Aimee. All products are handmade by her. She has worked so hard to make her dream of the company become a reality for herself.
She is actually introducing a new product, and I got to be the guinea pig for it (which I always love)! What is the new product? Keep your mind open-its a wipe case! She takes a plastic case that you would put a travel wipes into, and covers it in padding and fabric and makes it really cute (see below!)!
"Em, what in the world do I need a wipe case for? I don't have kids or babysit or anything." Great question! Since it is an empty plastic case, you can use it for whatever you want! You can put pens and pencils in it and throw it into your backpack. Or small items like chapstick and hair ties or bobby pins and put it in your purse so you can easily locate these items!
While traveling from New York to Wisconsin last week, I put tampons in the case and threw the case into my travel bag. When going to the bathroom, you can simply grab the entire case and bring it into the bathroom with you instead of digging through your bag for a single tampon. And if you are shy about that sort of thing, it helps you out. Since the plastic case is padded and decorated, it sort of looks like a clutch and nobody suspects anything!
Want to find out more about this product or A Girl Without A Bow? Check out her website or Instagram account! And if you choose to make an order, use the code EMILY10 for 10% off of your order! In addition, until the end of March get 21% off of your order, $3 bows, and free shipping on orders over $21! Just be sure to mention its the March deal. :)
Back edge of the case
Front edge of the case
Friday, March 13, 2015
What people don't see when they look at my letters....
Being from a small town and going to college in a small town has taught me one thing-people love to stereotype. Especially when it comes to fraternities and sororities.
Anyone from my high school would probably tell you that I was the "stereotypical cheerleader" in high school. Bubbly, loud, slightly obnoxious, had a boyfriend on the lacrosse team, was named captain of the team senior year. However, I also was on the honor roll, a member of the National Honor Society, a competitive dancer, was actively involved in the music program, a member of Jazz Rock (the select choir at my high school), and all of my best friends were active in the drama department. Oh, and I had a part time job from the moment I had a license. Doesn't seem like your stereotypical cheerleader anymore, now does it? I split my time between my family, job, dance studio, academics, cheerleading, and my friends. I also went through a period of depression in high school, was sexually assaulted, fought an eating disorder, was in an abusive relationship, and had a dad in the army who unfortunately had to deploy over sea every other year.
I was pretty much anything but your "stereotypical cheerleader."
Now, I'm in college. My freshman year, I joined a sorority. I did a lot of research on the Greek life at Plattsburgh. Researched the history of the campus and all of the organizations. When the time came, I had my heart set on Alpha Phi, and it was the only organization I considered joining. Their GPA was the highest on campus, they don't haze, they do a ton of community service. I was set.
And I got in. I was so excited to be a part of something bigger than myself, and be able to contribute to the community through philanthropy and community service. My parents were proud of me, my family was excited for me.
I went home a few weeks after receiving my bid, and constantly wore letters while I was home. I mean, obviously I did, I was excited. I immediately received ridicule from my friends, past teachers, and family friends. "What did you have to do to get in?" "How badly did you get hazed?" "I didn't realize you were a dumb srat girl, Em." I was blown away by what people were saying. Where did any of this come from?! What were they even talking about?! I was beyond confused. I had never experienced anything but love, acceptance, and gifts from my new sisters. We were a group of intelligent, caring, strong young ladies who all wanted to impact the world in a positive way. Why did everyone see that as such a negative thing?
Because of the stereotypes they had about members of Greek organizations, despite knowing me for most of my life.
Ever since I received my bid and put on my first set of letters, I have been fighting to be seen as me, and not as a stereotype, just as I did in high school. This battle is harder though, and is a constant struggle. I'm not just fighting this battle for myself, but for members of Greek organizations all over the world.
Currently, I work 20+ hours a week as a hostess at Texas Roadhouse, pay for my own housing, food, clothing, and more, will soon have a lease for a car in my own name that I will pay for with my own money, have a marketing internship at the College Suites at Plattsburgh, am the Social Media Coordinator for the SUNY Plattsburgh chapter of the American Marketing Association, and am the Red Dress Gala Director for my sorority. Did I mention that I'm also taking 15 credits of classes in upper level classes, despite it only being my second semester in the Marketing program? Add preparing for Relay For Life at SUNY Plattsburgh and for the city of Plattsburgh, coordinating travel plans to see my parents who live in Wisconsin, friends, my boyfriend, 20+ hours of community service a semester, and trying to stay on top of my academics to that list.
Last time I checked, thats more than most of the kids I know who aren't in Greek life do.
So the next time someone wants to make a comment to me about how I'm just a typical "sorority girl" who pays for her friends and who's parents pay for everything, don't. I'm more independent than most people my age, and am more involved than a lot of people on this campus. Can you say the same for yourself?
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